Pigeon Eka Pada Rajakapotasana

I have always been a huge fan of pigeon. I like how it stretches my glutes, inner thighs, and hips all in one while allowing me to relax. I know most people don’t find this stretch super relaxing, but I take a variation where I lie over my front leg and try to use the least amount of energy as possible. Pigeon was one of the first poses where I started to understand finding relaxation in the activation and activation in the relaxation. How many of us find that when we get into our pigeon our jaw is wired shut teeth gritting? That was me too. Trust me though doing this won’t help make the pose easier, or prettier, or feel better. Honestly it won’t have any positive impact on the pose. It will however have a negative impact. This teeth-gritting and tension is training your brain to automatically assume that you are doing something hard that you don’t like, which in the moment will simply make you more tense and possibly run into emotions such as anger, fear, sadness or stress, and that’s not fun. Overtime, as the pose becomes easier, your body will go into autopilot and still tense up and act as if you are having the worst time doing this pose which will ultimately make you dislike the pose regardless of whether you do or don’t.  So, if there is a change to make to your pigeon, the first change to make is to smile, and relax the jaw!

How To:

Let’s start from Downward Dog. Raise the right leg up into the air and then tuck the knee in towards the nose. Tuck the knee in tight and rotate the hips slightly as you lower the right hip to the floor and allow the back knee to come down as well. 

From here square your hips to the front of your mat extending the back leg long down the mat. Your right knee will be slightly out to the right with the knee bent. 

Take hold of your right foot and bring it up the left side of your mat towards the top so that your right knee is at about 90 degrees or parallel to the top of your mat.

Take a moment up right with the spine tall, or forward fold over that bent right leg taking your head to the floor.

If you folded forward, bring yourself back up right to come out of this pose.

Curl the back toes lifting the left leg up some, engaging it, and bring that foot in about 6 inches up towards the body- this will help you transition into your downward dog.

Lift your right hip up pressing through the arms lift the hips high to find downward dog.

Raise the left leg up into the air and then tuck the knee into the nose rotating the hips slightly as you lower the left hip to the floor.

Square the hips to the front of the mat and extend the right leg long down the mat. 

Take hold of your left foot and bring it up the right side of your mat towards the top so that your knee is at about a 90 degree angle, lining the shin up parallel to the top of the mat.

Take a moment up right with the spine tall, or forward fold over that bent right leg taking your head to the floor.

If you folded forward, bring yourself back up right to come out of this pose.

Curl the back toes lifting the right leg up some and pressing through hands, lift the left hip up and send the hips upward and back to downward facing dog.

Modifications:

Pigeon is actually quite a difficult pose to do, so here are some modifications you can take so as to help protect injury to your hips, or groin:

1. Take the pose on your back. Start by lying down on your back with your knees bent and feet on the floor. Take your right ankle and place it on your left knee, pressing the right knee out to help open the hip. You can keep the left foot on the floor, or grab the back of the left knee to help tuck it in some more. Keep in mind though that as you tuck that left knee in that the right hip is not closing off, you really want to make sure that the hips is open here. The last option for the left leg is to straighten it up towards the ceiling giving you a double stretch 1 in the right hip, and 2 in the left hamstring. 

Doing this stretch on your back will help to alleviate pressure from the knees as well as lessening the stretch if your hips aren’t open enough for the full expression.

2. Add a prop!

Prop 1, a block. If you have trouble lowering your hip all the way down to the ground or keeping it there as you square off your hips, then you may need to lift it up some. Use a block to sit one hip on and elevate it so that your hips can be square and still stay in contact with something. So if your right leg is bent in front, the block will go under your right side to lift, and if your left leg is in front then the block goes under the left hip.

Prop 2, a bolster. Set your bolster up horizontally on your mat, and as you lower your hip into the pose let your hip settle on the bolster. (Depending on the length of your thigh, your knee may stay off the ground or not.) This will give you more lift than just a block as well as provide stability.

***If you don't have a bolster you can use a big firm pillow, or stack 2 blocks (shortest height to start) next to each other and lay a blanket or thin pillow over them

3. Tuck the front knee in. If you hip isn't happy with your front knee at 90, try bending the front knee more and allowing the foot to come closer to the torso. This will allow you to focus on the hip flexor stretch, allow you to feel more stable, and lessen the impact on the hip.

If you are someone who has really open hips and you want to get a little bit more out of pigeon, here are some modifications you can use to increase the intensity of the stretch. 

1. Mermaid variation

In the mermaid variation the back leg is going to get more attention directed towards a thigh and hip flexor stretch, as well as a mild open twist. Bend the back knee so your foot is up in the air (if the left foot is back use the left hand) and grab the foot allowing it to slide down to the crook of the elbow. Using the other hand, reach over the head and back joining hands for a bind.

2. Full King Pigeon

King pigeon requires a lot of stability, flexibility, and openness and strength in the shoulders and hips. From your pigeon bend the back knee so your foot is up in the air. Take your arms up and over your head reaching back for your foot. Once you have grabbed hold of your back foot, press the foot into your hands to gently pull the arms back and open the shoulders, and gently pull your hands in the opposite direction to help stretch the thigh.

3. 1/2 King Pigeon

The full king pigeon is a difficult pose, but you can try what I call a 1/2 king pigeon to see if you have the stability and leg flexibility/strength. From your pigeon, bend the back knee taking the foot up into the air. Keeping the fingertips on the floor take a back bend connecting the foot to the head, or as close as you can get. Hold here, while testing your stability, by lifting the fingertips off the floor for as long as you can hold.

Not quite ready for that kind of intensity? No problem, here are a few more options

Place a block or bolster under the back leg to lift it up a little higher. When you do this, it is important to make sure that the back knee is straight. This lift of the back leg will intensify the stretch to the groin, hip flexors, and thigh area.

Add a twist to your pigeon to help keep the hips square and open the front legs' hip. From your pigeon, twist towards the leg that is bent in front, lowering the opposite shoulder to the floor and extend the arm out (as you would in threading the needle). Your other arm will come over the head reaching out past the front of the mat, or bind by taking it behind the back and down the floor by the opposite hip.

Benefits:

·         Stimulates the internal organs

·         Opens the hips, groin, hamstrings. Open hips improve your posture, alignment and overall flexibility. Open hips also release the negative feelings and energy from your system since stress, tension and anxiety are often stored there.

·         Elongates the back and relieves pressure on the lower back and sciatica

·         Stretch deep glutes

·         Stretch groins and psoas (a long muscle on the side of your vertebral column and pelvis)

·         Relieve impinged piriformis and alleviate sciatic pain

·         Help with urinary disorders

·         For the athlete, this pose is critical to overall health, speed and agility. Open hips relieve the stress transferred to the knees when hips are tight. Less knee strain means a greater range of motion for the pivot sports such as tennis, basketball or soccer, reducing risk to the ACL (anterior cruciate ligament). Clear hips also give the back a full range of motion. This helps athletes avoid lower back strains that often plague them. Flexible and aligned hips are essential for an athletes' best performance.

Contraindications: Consult your physician if you have any of the following, or if you experience any as a result of trying this pose.

·         A sacroiliac or back injury

·         An ankle injury

·         Certain knee injuries

·         Extreme tightness in the hip

Homemade Spaghetti Sauce

12 cups of tomatoes

5 cups of water

2 cups mushrooms

1 pint cherry tomatoes

3 cups shredded carrots

1 small-medium yellow squash

1 small-t medium zucchini

5 cups of  finely chopped baby spinach

5 cloves of garlic

1 large yellow onion

1 1/2 cup olive oil

3 spoonfuls of  sugar

1 pinch of salt

3 large pinches of basil

6 1 ½ pint sized mason jars

1mixer

Clean your tomatoes really well because we are using the skins.

Cut your tomatoes into 4ths and place them in a pot along with just enough water to match the height of the tomatoes (for me that was 2 cups) then bring this to a boil and let boil for about 10-15 minutes or until the skins of the tomatoes start peeling off naturally and the tomatoes become really soft.

While you are bring the tomatoes to a boil, and letting them boil, clean and chop up your mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, yellow squash, zucchini,  and onion. Mince your garlic, and add all of this into a bowl with your finely chopped spinach and shredded carrots.

Your tomatoes should have sufficiently boiled at this point, so turn off the heat, and bring out the mixer. Keep the mixer on a low setting and mix/blend your tomatoes together, into a soup like substance. Be careful to allow the pot to cool completely before mixing and not to wear white, seeing as the watery nature of the pot mixture will cause it to splatter a lot. Keep the mixer on a low setting to help keep the splattering down as well.

Once you’ve mixed your sauce to your liking, add your bowl of mixed vegetables, and throw in your olive oil, sugar, salt, and basil. Then mix this all together.

Set the heat on super low, add the lid, and let sit for 3 hours.

So because I use 1 ½ pint jars for sauce I don’t have a pot big enough to hold them so here is another trick for sterilizing jars: stick them in the dishwasher.  Granted I don’t use this method often, since I hardly ever use my dishwasher at all, but in cases where there are big jars, I need to modify. So set your dishwasher on to sterilize the jars (mine has sterilize as an option) at the end of the 3 hours of your sauce cooking.

Then slowly bring your pot to a boil, like really slowly, the time it takes for your dishwasher to run, and then pour your sauce into jars. Make sure when you take the jars out of the dishwasher that they are still hot, and haven’t had a chance to cool down yet.

I also do not use wax for these because I freeze them. If you want to freeze them, you may just make sure you are using a freezer safe jar and that you leave at least ½ inch at the top of the jar for the sauce to expand when frozen.

"Bad Words"

Growing up my parents followed protocol in tell my siblings and myself that certain words were bad and that we should never use them. “Never use them”. Why never? I didn’t question it though, I left it alone. That is until I was made fun of for being too afraid to tell someone to “shut up” because I was told that it was wrong to say that. As soon as I realized that all my peers were using these words and that I was the only one too afraid to, my need to fit in made me seek out what all of these taboo words were, learn them and then use them as much as possible. For many years I got in trouble numerous times for my foul or inappropriate language. It wasn’t until freshman year of high school that I met an adult who didn’t see cursing as a bad thing. Mr. Cohen my English teacher. He was a vividly imaginative man who allowed me to find my own love for English. He taught me that although seen as one of the worst words of our language, “fuck” was also the most versatile word, and the only word in our language that not only how to make an entire sentence using only it, but that it is the only word in our language that can used in every part of speech, and can mean everything from pleasure to pain, and everything in between. He opened my eyes to words and how every word is absolutely amazing and should never be disregarded as something to avoid.

When I discovered standup I of course listened to a man named George Carlin who went on a rant about why people are afraid of words and how they shouldn’t be, and from that moment on I decided that I would never allow my children to be afraid of a word. There are no bad words, there are no words that should scare you. Yes, if used in certain ways words can hurt, but they can also heal. So should we disregard the word “fuck” just because it has the potential to be used negatively, when in reality it has just as much potential to used positively? I personally don’t think so.

My daughter is now 7 and has and a few run-ins with “foul language”. Here was my approach. First off if she wants to use a word she should know what it means. So step 1 was introducing her to a dictionary and learning how to use it. I feel as though communication is hindered enough that if we could all just learn what words mean before we use them then maybe there would be a little less miscommunication in our day to day lives. So we started a word list. Any word that she read, or heard that she didn’t understand she would write down, or copy and together we would go over the list and look up each word so that she could learn what they meant and how to use them. The words that she would write weren’t just bad words, honestly there was only one bad word that she wanted to know the meaning of, the rest were all things that she heard from our family reading, or her independent reading.

Step 2 was learning when and how to appropriately use words, and honestly this is the hardest part. This involves teaching a child how to read social cues in a room which most adults have trouble doing. But because there are so many people today who fear words, and fear a child using certain words that it became difficult for me to express to her that even if she is using the words in a nice way and to do well that there are still people who will be angry with her out of pure ignorance of the word and of who she is. I mean seriously though, how do you explain that something that is in fact true, but isn’t politically correct is wrong to a child. So we settled on an agreement that while writing in her journal she can use whatever language she wants, and when speaking to me she can use whatever language she wants, but as far as anyone else she had to run it past me first for each person until she turned 18. So far that seems to be working. -- We did have one occasion where it didn’t and that was when one of her friends was exploring “bad” language during a playdate under my care and I had to handle that situation. For me it was a simple question of just opening up a dialog about the word: Understanding that words are extremely powerful and have the ability to hurt someone more deeply than a knife, but can also to help heal someone better than any medication. Before using a word know what it means, make sure we are using it for good. See if we can come up with other words that people aren’t afraid of that we can use to say the same thing.

This all led us to step 3, which was to learn alternative language. So I introduced her to a thesaurus and how to use it to find other words that would mean the exact same thing that she would be trying to say in a way that won’t offend anyone. However then we ran into other issues; like the fact that some people will even be offended if she uses the expression “darn it” to express something going wrong. - I mean she could have said “Fuck”, or “Shit”, or “Damn” “Damnit”, or she could have done that ridiculously stupid thing that parents do when we say “fudge”, or “frick” because we think somehow that saying a different word with the exact same intention somehow makes it better. That is what gets me; please tell me how saying “the B word” or “the F word” is just as bad as actually saying the word because as the speaker, saying things like “the N word” or “the IT word”, puts the words you mean to say into the listeners head anyway. So technically you’re not, not saying the word; you are! – Fact of the matter is that my daughter weighed the possibilities and picked the least “evil” word she could think of to express her dissatisfaction. However she was still asked to “please not use that word”. Well what word should she have used? Should she really be forced to dumb down her language and use infant-like language because someone else wasn’t ready to hear her use it? Or how about the time she wanted to talk about Hell and was told that she was using bad language. Is it better for her spell out “H-E-double hockey sticks”? That is literally doing the exact same thing as saying it. She is just putting the exact same word into the listeners head by saying it without saying it.

My point for all this is that if you know what a word means and how to use it and your using it appropriately and in a kind way, then why shouldn’t you use a word? Because if I slice my hand open while making dinner one night, I’m sorry but “oh fudgecicles”, or “whippersnappers” doesn’t cover the situation or my emotions quite like “FUCK!” will.

What to expect when your expecting

Yea no, this is not going to be one of those blogs with a list of the top 10 things to expect and how to properly handle them... this is real life.

I remember when I first found out I was going to be a mom. The news firstly brought me great joy in the fact that I would be a mom. Then came panic. I started reading as many books as I could about what was going to happen to me and then what would happen after I gave birth and how I could react. But this just lead to more panic. The more books I read the more contradicting opinions I heard. Each book had a different take on what my baby would do and how I should act. I wasn’t sure what to believe anymore, so I went straight to the source, and began asking other moms. This was an even bigger mistake. Every mom that I spoke to had her own way of doing things and each one was certain that their way was the right way. Being that I was young and single meant that as I got closer to my due date peoples opinions got pushed on me more and more forcefully. I had completely lost all joy of becoming a parent and was now dreading the being a mom. My daughter came early and of course every “mistake” I had made thus far was said to have been what caused this to happen. With my daughter in the NICU and family members and friends judging my every move sent me into a terrible bout of depression, intermixed most likely with normal post partum depression. I was totally lost, and I wasn’t even sure where to look to get myself found.

A  month later when my daughter was aloud to come home, I had decided I had enough of being told how I was a terrible mother. I still wasn’t sure what to do, or how to go about doing it, but I knew that I loved my daughter and that she loved me back. Day by day my confidence as a mother grew, and so did my daughter. I slowly began allowing people back into our life. Each time I did though I was criticized. From the food I fed her to the way I dressed her, the naps she took, and the activities she did, not a single thing went un-criticized. It took a long time for me to get used to being told I was doing everything wrong and being able to ignore it. I had never had a job before where there was no job description, no manual, or rule book. I also never had a job before where my boss would scream and cry if I did things wrong, or you know could possibly choke to death on her own spit, and I certainly never had a job where any random stranger could come up to me and threaten to fire me or tell me I wasn’t a good fit. It was totally strange, and really hard, but like I said, I slowly got used to it.

As time went on and my daughter go older, people slowly started to back off. She hadn’t fallen off any tables and broken her skull, or burnt her hand off on a hot stove. So I guess people stopped having things to complain about, or critique much anymore. In fact, they totally switched up on me and started telling me what a wonderful child I had. How well behaved she was, and how smart, and how talented, and beautiful. It was like a total 180. I couldn’t believe it. Really, these people thought I had done something right? Now I cant take all the credit, my daughter is an amazing kid, but I’ld like to think that my parenting had something to do with how she’s growing up.

I have lots of mom friends, and I work with a lot of new moms, and I am seeing more and more that critiquing a mothers ability to be a parent is completely normal. Why? Honestly do we seriously not have anything better to do than tell others that they are wrong. We see it in politics when Republicans and Democrats fight because their way is the right way. I see it in sports when my team is the best team. I see it in medicine when this treatment is the best treatment. And while in each of these situations one individuals opinion is never the only one, there is always research, articles, lectures, and many other things to help people make their own decisions. As a parent though, there really isn’t. Like I said in the beginning, every book contradicts the last, and each person you talk to contradicts the last. There is nothing to help a new mom stand firm other than just pure confidence, and we are normally lacking this right after childbirth.

Point is when you’re expecting, you can only expect to not expect anything. Don’t expect there to be a book that will solve all your problems or answer all your questions. Don’t expect there to be just one way to do anything. Don’t expect people to respect or disrespect your decisions. Don’t expect your baby to grow the same way that any other child does. Every child, every parent, and every situation is going to be different. The most important thing I can advise you to do is to get yourself a friend who is willing to support every and any decision you make. Weather that is your significant other, or just your best friend. Find them and stick with them. There will be so many people telling you that you are doing things wrong, that you need someone to encourage even your most stupid sounding ideas. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t make mistakes as a parent. In fact just today I sent my kid to school today, when there was no school, and didn’t realize that there was no school until I called to pick her up instead of taking the bus. There are so many things that I do wrong but its ok. I may have never had a job without a manual, but I’ve also never had a boss that kissed me on the forehead when I was sick, or poured go-gurt in my armpit to wake me up to play, or sang “I love you” on repeat to me for 2 days straight.

Don’t worry. You got this. And trust me, your doing just fine.

Memories are really our best form of time travel

Do you ever just catch yourself and thinking about what life would be like if you were still with your first boyfriend/girlfriend, or first crush, first time, or maybe the one that got away? I do. All the time, but the thing with me is that I was so wrapped up in my own world when I was young that I had a lot of “ones that got away” because I couldn’t see how much of a bitch I was to anyone who came close to me. I had great boyfriends that would “like just dump me for no reason” but clearly it wasn’t for no reason, it was because of how terrible I was to them. I remember my first real boy friend in high school. (I wont say his, or any other name because I am not sure how many of my high school friends read this and no one needs a blast) This guy was a sweet heart. Really sweet guy, but for whatever reason I didn’t like him. As a matter of fact I would openly make fun of him for liking me. After he asked me out for the third time, my friends begged me to take pitty on him and at least give him a chance; after all, he really was a great guy. I on the other hand, liked his best friend (of course man it was high school, there’s got to be a love triangle) who coincidentally was going out with one of my friends. So being as clever as I thought I gave in to dating the sweet best friend so I could participate in fun high school double dates stuff. Really it meant hanging out after school, playing guitar, and listening to music. I was still being a total douche though to the sweet friend. I know I pretended I didn’t kiss boys though so I wouldn’t have to kiss him. Secretly though I had started to like him. Too little, to late though, he got wise to me and broke it off. I deserved it for how I treated him, but I had started to like him, too little too late. When he broke up with me he immediately started dating another girl who was never too fond of me, but that he liked very much and who was sweet to him. I lost any chance of ever getting him back. Today is his birthday which is what sparked this blog of mine.

Every once in a while, I get really pensive about my life and I just think back to everything that has happened. When the sweet friends picture popped up on social media for it being his birthday, I started looking through his Facebook to see what he was up to these days. We’ve all done it, looked through high school friends profiles that we haven’t seen in a while.

The first guy I ever really had a crush on was in middle school. I met him at first when his best friend was dating mine in 7^th grade. It was brief and I didn’t like his best friend who was dating mine. I thought my best friend should break up with him. I met him again on my bus in 8^th grade. He was a flirt for sure, and nothing like his best friend who was still dating my best friend. We rode the bus every day we became pretty ok friends, but the kind of friends who had to bicker in public to defend our best friends who were a terrible couple. Now my best friend and her boyfriend (lets call him B1) catch on to the friendship between myself and the other best friend (B2) and they don’t like it. So B1, tells B2 lots of mean things about me while my best friend tells me lots of mean things about B2, so that we don’t like each other anymore. In high school B2 left us and went to a different school, but I never forgot him. A few years after high school we met up again as friends. I immediately had a crush again. We talked about how we had met in middle school. I found out about how B1 had told him to stay away from me and how our friendship had been sabotaged. We suggested the possibility of dating now. Unfortunately I had to move, almost immediately after we met again and so nothing ever happened to the evolution of our friendship.  We are both now engaged and he’s getting a stepchild.

That story wasn’t one where I was really mean to anyone, but I was heavily influenced by my apparently wicked (totally kidding, there are no hard feelings) best friend who did want me dating her boyfriends best friend. There are really only 2 other people worth mentioning. The next person to get a story is the first person I fell in love with. And the terrible awful no good thing I did to him. I was a very stupid little girl who fell in love with someone who was in a relationship. Now lucky for me, I made this mistake while I was young and in high school, and the not older, destroying a marriage or learning my lesson would have been much harder. This guy I fell in love with was in a relationship of 4-5 years, so you know it was marriage level serious to us high-schoolers (honestly its impressive to me as an adult too, have you seen how people date today…)  and I started talking to a guy, who was awesome. Seriously everything I had ever wanted in a person. He was kind and compassionate, at one point he helped me find a place to work and live, just and overall great guy who would do anything for his family and friends. Down side was that he was with another girl. She wasn’t in our grade nor did she  live near us, so most of the time people became used to seeing my crush (call him C) and me together like a couple. One night he and a couple of his buddies, invited me and my friend to come hang out with them, and this other girl tagged along with us. Well this other girl was drunk and all over C. So I was heated. All of a sudden the two of them left the room while no one noticed and I was pissed (little did I know that he was being a gentleman and taking her to the bathroom to puke, found that one out years later) so I went to his best friend and hooked up with him, in front of everyone, even though I was at the party with C. Needless to say my friend and I left the party and the next day C plead his case to me, but I didn’t believe him. I pinned the kiss entirely on him and made him feel like it was his fault. Told him to break up with his girlfriend or I would never speak to him again. After that I moved to another school in another state and so even though I made an ass of him at the party and he broke up with his girlfriend for me, I left him. I called him a few years later when I came back to our home state and he was still mad at me. I used to imagine my with him a lot. As kids we had talked about how our lives could be when we were older, but being older and looking back in a-whole-nother thing.

The last person to get a story was a short relationship. Its not the he’s super special to me, but he was the first decent boy I had dated since the sweet best friend in high school. He was actually the first person I had dated in a very long time, since I was recently a single mom. He was the first guy who met my child and who I felt I could trust around her. Unfortunately for me I was in the throws of my addiction during this time. It was during a point when I thought I had things under control, because I had a great job and was looking to move and buy a house, but honestly I was a mess. One day He just stopped texting me, stopped answering my phone calls. I wanted to say I didn’t know why, and that I had done nothing wrong, but really I did. When we would go out with friends I would always get trashed and expect him to just take care of me.  I even left drugs at his house and let him take the blame for me. He was almost kicked out of where he lived. I would have stopped talking to me to.  I thought about him a lot when I first got clean. I wondered if things would have been different if I had stopped a year or two sooner.

All of these men have made an impact on my life, along with a few other of people I fantasized about having kept in my life, some of them were long and drawn out of the period of almost a decade. I new I was finally over all of these guys when I would try to imagine a different life than the one I had and I wouldn’t want to. This was my sign that I was over any crush, or ones that got away and that I was ready to commit fully to my current fiancé. Who I should think I have been good to. I know that from taking the time to reflect on my mistakes of the past I know things not to do, and we've got no complaints yet (fingers crossed).  This was really just a reflection of my life and the people who have moved through it.    Memories are really our best form of time travel.